More From the IM Archives

1.

[Ladyfriend has a new girl crush.]

Ladyfriend: She writes mystery novels.

McBickle: Nice.

Ladyfriend: And claims to have invented the term "yuppie"

McBickle: UM. Not so much.

[Turns out she really did. Maybe.]

2.

[Zohan is the son of Mza’s mother’s friend. She was forced to have coffee with him.]

Mza: Zohan has an idea for a science fiction book he told me about.

Serial killer kills people using special DNA-coded spray.

What does one say to that?

I was like, “Good idea. Um.”

3.

[I have a date with a man I don't know well. I fear something may be…off…about him. We had a text message exchange about where to meet and this is what he sent back:]

“you KNOW i got no problem coming out to [REDACTED], baby! and i come aaaall the way out there for you..."

McBickle: Is he going to KILL ME?

Mza: Hahahaha.

McBickle: I’m not kidding! This is NOT FUNNY.

Mza: It is though. Walk down the middle of the street with him, so you can flag down cars if anything goes down. Do not go with him into a wooded area.

McBickle: Hahaha.

Ladyfriend: He's not a serial killer, he’s just... dorkily enthusiastic.

McBickle: Are we sure about this?

Mza: No.

McBickle: NO? Fuck.

Mza: Smiley faces PLUS exclamation points PLUS unironic caps.

McBickle: Maybe you can come vet him for me.

Mza: I've never seen that before.

McBickle: UghUGH.

Mza: Well, he is older.

McBickle: He did once ask me if I text, which is an older person question.

Mza: Sometimes the oldsters go overboard on things like the text message (last two words said in Borat accent). Yes.

McBickle: “The olds.”

UPDATE:

[From One Man in Baghdad, who kindly replied on his BlackBerry from a restaurant:]

McBickle: Have a date with this guy later who might be a zombie waiting to kill me or something. Unclear.

OMiB: Wow, good cheese. Don’t get dismembered. Love.