Text Blap

A selection of recent text messages that possibly stand on the three legs of their own merits. I mean, demerits. No, dementia. I definitely mean "dementia":

FROM OTHERS:
Saw a show that had some wolves in it on the Discovery Channel and thought of you. So there's that.

Oh yeah? Well you and the [REDACTED] retard clown patrol can suck it, sweetheart.

I have a bad case of herpes and have been laying low.

I'm the handsome gentleman by the window. I hope you look like your picture!

Send it back and tell him to save it for his thirsty skanks, one of which you are not.

In my underwear, eating crackers with cream cheese.

TO OTHERS:
OMG I'm being held hostage at Circuit City by [REDACTED]. Send help.

I totally just put my thumbprint in wet concrete.

[REDACTED] says you are going a bit too far. We're not loser retard clowns, she said. We're asshat illiterate journalists.

I have enlisted [REDACTED] to jack your bike.

Dorothy Parker said, "There's plenty of time to do nothing once you're dead."

[REDACTED] wondered if you want to have "freaky cripple sex."

Are you naked and punching people yet?