It’s Always Death’s Fault

Newsday wins headline of the week:

Death pleads guilty in cemetery group theft

I envy the reporter who got to write that. The guy’s name is actually Death. And he actually is chair of a cemetery association. Witness:

“Donald Death, 60, the former chairman of the Locust Valley Cemetery Association, wrote $170,000 in checks of the association's money to a fuel company his family owned.”

This on the knowledge that there is a Dr. Payne in New York who is a famous pain management doctor, as well as Dr. Comfort who heads a well-known palliative care program. More evidence naming creates destiny. (See: Winning and Losing.)