Briefs From the Land of the Weird and Our Kitchen

Seth Stevenson offers these beauties in his diary from the Michael Jackson trial:

“It's the left side that hurts," Michael whispers to his bodyguard. Michael is pointing at the right side of his abdomen. "The right side?" asks the bodyguard. "The right side, the right side," whispers Michael.

[then]

Let me explain just how strung out and godawful Michael looks:
One evening, several years ago, I swallowed two Vicodin in the midst of getting deeply drunk. Then I woke up in my bathtub. I'd passed out while trying to pee, and my fall had snapped the soapdish clean off the shower wall. After staggering to my feet, I caught a wobbly glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror.

I looked better than Michael looks this morning.


In other happenings, there was only one leftover fortune from the maniacs with the Chinese food today:

“A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month.”
I’d like to claim that, cause my goose hasn’t been laying anything good lately. But I’ll share.