I Am Trying to Get a Package. Kafka Has Rerouted It.

Please, read from the bottom up.

NEW YORK, NY, US 09/10/2009 11:03 P.M. EMERGENCY CONDITIONS BEYOND UPS' CONTROL / DELIVERY RESCHEDULED [Lady on the phone wonders if there are bad weather conditions or something else happening in New York, 'cause, like, she's not in New York. No, I tell her, no, there are not. It's rainy this morning though, thanks for asking.]
09/10/2009 10:07 P.M. DESTINATION SCAN
09/10/2009 8:00 P.M. EMERGENCY CONDITIONS BEYOND UPS' CONTROL
NEW YORK, NY, US 09/09/2009 11:55 P.M. EMERGENCY CONDITIONS BEYOND UPS' CONTROL / DELIVERY RESCHEDULED
09/09/2009 10:00 P.M. DESTINATION SCAN [I run into the UPS guy in the elevator. He ponders said "emergency." He thinks it has something to do with our freight elevator being broken. The package I am awaiting, it is small.]
09/09/2009 8:12 P.M. EMERGENCY CONDITIONS BEYOND UPS' CONTROL
09/09/2009 7:31 A.M. OUT FOR DELIVERY
09/09/2009 5:40 A.M. ARRIVAL SCAN
MASPETH, NY, US 09/09/2009 5:11 A.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
09/09/2009 12:24 A.M. ARRIVAL SCAN
BROOKLYN, NY, US 09/08/2009 11:40 P.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
09/08/2009 1:00 A.M. OUT FOR DELIVERY
09/08/2009 1:00 A.M. THE DELIVERY INTERCEPT REQUEST FOR THIS PACKAGE WAS SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED / THE ADDRESS HAS BEEN CORRECTED. THE DELIVERY HAS BEEN RESCHEDULED [You know, send it to my office.]
09/08/2009 12:59 A.M. THE APARTMENT NUMBER IS MISSING OR IS INCORRECT. UPS IS ATTEMPTING TO OBTAIN THIS INFORMATION. / THE EXCEPTION WAS OVERRIDDEN AND A NEW EXCEPTION WAS CREATED.
09/04/2009 10:17 A.M. THE SHIPPER HAS REQUESTED A DELIVERY INTERCEPT FOR THIS PACKAGE / DELIVERY TO AN ALTERNATE ADDRESS WAS REQUESTED
BROOKLYN, NY, US 09/03/2009 11:43 P.M. THE APARTMENT NUMBER IS MISSING OR IS INCORRECT. UPS IS ATTEMPTING TO OBTAIN THIS INFORMATION. / A POSTCARD HAS BEEN SENT TO THE RECIPIENT REQUESTING THAT THEY CONTACT UPS.
09/03/2009 5:10 P.M. THE APARTMENT NUMBER IS MISSING OR IS INCORRECT. UPS IS ATTEMPTING TO OBTAIN THIS INFORMATION. [I do not have an apartment number, just FYI.]
09/03/2009 7:04 A.M. OUT FOR DELIVERY
09/03/2009 6:27 A.M. OUT FOR DELIVERY
09/03/2009 6:09 A.M. ARRIVAL SCAN
PHILADELPHIA, PA, US 09/03/2009 3:05 A.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
PHILADELPHIA, PA, US 09/02/2009 10:24 P.M. ARRIVAL SCAN
LAWNSIDE, NJ, US 09/02/2009 9:31 P.M. DEPARTURE SCAN
09/02/2009 7:24 P.M. ORIGIN SCAN
US 09/02/2009 8:22 P.M. BILLING INFORMATION RECEIVED
Tracking results provided by UPS: 09/11/2009 10:52 A.M. ET