Forthwith, May We Slap Her?

I officially degrade my blog right. this. second.

Because I am going to comment on this Paris Hilton debacle. (Oh, i feel dirty. I have defiled myself...fear not, self, I will loofah it away later.)

What I want to point out is the hysterical nature of the proceedings, namely of Ms. Hilton and her Hiltonian family, namely Kathy, the materfamilias.

The whole thing is very Jane Austen on crack. Witness the drama, as recorded in this AP article:

"Back before [Judge] Sauer on Friday, Hilton's entire body trembled as the final pitch was made for her further incarceration. She clutched a ball of tissue, and tears ran down her face.

Seconds later, the judge announced his decision: 'The defendant is remanded to county jail to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence. This order is forthwith.'

Hilton screamed.

Eight deputies immediately ordered all spectators out of the courtroom. Hilton's mother, Kathy, threw her arms around her husband, Rick, and sobbed uncontrollably.

Deputies escorted Hilton out of the room, holding each of her arms as she looked back."

Boofuckinghoo.
No, wait. I'm sorry.
I meant: Boomotherfuckinghoo.