PowerHood Girls

So The Brooklyn Paper has a story today called “Tween bandits terrorize shoppers in P’Heights.” Apparently, “In at least three instances over the past two months, a group of adolescents headed by one or two young girls has approached pedestrians and either hit them over the head with a blunt object or pointed what looked to be a toy gun in their direction.”

But really, here is the shining gem of the story:

A “third assault occurred about two months ago to a man named Raymond Alberts and his wife as they were walking along St. Marks Place between Classon and Grand avenues.

“ ‘As we were walking, we saw a kid hiding behind a Dumpster,’ Alberts told The Paper. ‘My wife says, “He’s got a gun.” ’

“Alberts, 56, estimated the kid was between 13 and 17 years old. He was accompanied by an “overweight boy” of about the same age.

“ ‘I turn around, and he points the silver gun at me … We kept on walking … He was just smiling.’

“Alberts promptly reported the incident to the cops, who sent out an officer to investigate.

“ ‘He comes back and says it was a toy gun, and he said it wasn’t a boy, it was an ugly girl,’ said Alberts.”

So, like, here’s the recap, from McBickle, your trusty reporterpreteur:

Man gets conked on the head by a boy who is somewhere between 2 and 50 years old. Said boy is accompanied by Fat Kid. They turn piece-of-shit plastic gun on the guy, whose wife is, like, blind and dumb enough to mistake it for an actual gun. Guy reports it to cops. Turns out the kid is an ugly girl. Like, ugly enough to look like a boy.

Score?

Ugly Tween Girls with Fat Friends: 1
Stupid Middle-Aged Married Couple: 0