What Did You Do Last Night?

When choosing from the many, many spooky and otherwise bizarre Halloween entertainment options in New York, I ended up at one last night that was rather unexpected. Yes, it was billed as "burlesque," but no, I was not expecting to see a transsexual woman (MTF)--with top, but not bottom, surgery--strip naked...wait. I'm going to slow my description down.
Before she stripped naked, she squatted, reached under her skirt and yanked a condom off her penis. She aimed it at the audience and squeeeezed out the "juice" and then WINGED it into the seats.
Next. She swigged some hooch, undressed, squatted again. Onto the whiskey bottle.
Now. She lifted the bottle of whiskey with her anus.
A sufficient amount of time passed for the audience to go utterly bananas.
And then. She took a big mouthful of drink and spewed it at the crowd.

Yeah.
Other than that, the show was actually above and beyond yo' mama's pasties and naughty nurse burlesque: a snaky, slithering, gold and red medusa-like vixen mesmerized me; a voluptuous and bleeding woman wielding a knife in body parts where I never want to see a knife touching honestly scared the crap out of me. Etc.

I'm immensely pleased to know, however, that the Lower East Side still rumbles with shows raunchy enough to rival Tijuana's, and is in-your-face enough that it doesn't care that dancing is still, technically, illegal in this city. That's right.

In remarkable contrast, I harshly condemn all the dressed-up pimps in store-bought cheaply made purple-pimp outfits. They are everywhere this year. And that's just pitiful.